How my Wife “Outgrowing” me Saved our Marriage

It’s common to hear people say they’ve "outgrown" their partner when they feel dissatisfied with their relationship. But here’s the truth: the idea that one partner can outgrow the other is a myth. People who believe they’ve outgrown their partner misunderstand what true growth really is. In fact, personal growth always has a positive impact on relationships, even when it seems like only one person is growing.

Personal Growth: What Does It Really Mean?

When we talk about personal growth, we’re referring to an internal transformation—an emotional, mental, or spiritual shift. People often call it emotional maturity, self-actualization, or reaching one’s full potential. No matter what we call it, personal growth is something we all value and strive for.

Early in our marriage, my wife Linda experienced a profound transformation. She became more patient, more appreciative, and simply more fun to be around. It was like she had tapped into a deeper wisdom that made her life richer. She worried less and seemed to embrace life more fully.

Linda could have looked at me—the same un-evolved George—and decided that she had outgrown me. But instead, her personal growth allowed her to see our relationship in a whole new light. She became more patient with my shortcomings and more appreciative of my strengths. It was as if her growth had somehow elevated me along with her, making me look like a better husband in her eyes.

The Power of Growth in Relationships

Was it hard for me to be with someone who was growing so much while I felt stuck? Actually, no. In fact, I found it incredibly fulfilling. Let’s face it—people often look outside their relationships for excitement and fulfillment. But here I was, with a more compassionate, fun, and loving wife without needing to go anywhere.

Personal growth makes people better versions of themselves, and when you’re with someone who’s growing, your relationship can’t help but improve. Every time someone grows emotionally or spiritually, they bring those new qualities into their relationship—making it richer, deeper, and more connected.

So where does the idea that personal growth threatens relationships come from? Often, couples do feel like they’re drifting apart. But it’s not because they’re growing in different directions. It’s because they’re becoming mentally distracted. They fill their minds with thoughts about their own lives and forget to make space for each other.

Staying Connected Amid Growth

It’s not about the amount of time you spend together, but the quality of your connection. If you’re both mentally occupied—thinking about work, personal projects, or other distractions—it won’t matter how much time you spend in the same room. You’ll feel distant.

Think of it like this: when your mind is free from distraction, it’s like the "Vacant" sign on an airplane lavatory. You’re available for connection. But when your mind is occupied—thinking about work or other worries—that "Occupied" sign is up, and connection becomes harder.

No matter how busy or different you are, as long as your mind is vacant and open to connection during the time you spend together, you can still feel close.

The Myth of Being Too Different

Some couples think they’re too different to make it work. But that’s another myth. Think about travelers in a foreign country—they often return raving about how they connected with people they had nothing in common with, even if they didn’t speak the same language. If strangers can connect across barriers, so can couples with different interests or personalities.

It’s not about having the same hobbies or personalities. It’s about being present and open to connection, regardless of your differences.

Personal Growth as a Strength, Not a Threat

When people grow, their minds become freer, more open, and more accepting of others. They see the beauty and innocence in their partner, instead of focusing on what annoys them. Growth makes us more resourceful, more compassionate, and more patient. It allows us to see beyond the petty problems and appreciate the goodness in each other.

That’s what happened with Linda and me. Her growth didn’t create distance—it inspired me to grow, too. After watching how much her growth improved her life, I wanted the same for myself. In a few short months, her transformation rubbed off on me. I became more lighthearted, more patient, and more loving. We didn’t have to “work” on our relationship—it improved naturally as we both grew.

Our Growth Saved Our Marriage

Forty years have passed since Linda’s growth kickstarted our journey together, and our relationship is stronger than ever. Personal growth—rather than tearing us apart—saved our marriage. Linda’s growth inspired my own, and together, we’ve experienced more closeness, fun, and intimacy than we ever thought possible.

Want More?

If you’re looking for a way to transform your relationship, check out The Relationship Handbook—a favorite that will forever change how you approach relationships. Here’s what others are saying:

"This book is an absolute gold mine. It’s significantly enhanced my already great relationship. It’s an easy read, even for reluctant readers. It doesn’t just transform relationships—it transforms lives."

"The Relationship Handbook saved our 30-year marriage. After learning about these principles, we’ve been on a two-year honeymoon."

"This book will be the last relationship guide you ever need. It completely changed how I approach relationships, both romantic and otherwise."

Still curious?

Check out other recommended resources and blog posts on relationships, or dive into our new audio series with Linda Pransky: Ordinary Life, Extraordinary Living.

View More Recommended Products and Blog Posts

Explore our offerings on building stronger, healthier relationships.